My weekly "ET series" have truly ended. Not because there are no encounters or testimonies to share, actually it's the exact opposite. There are so many that I honestly have filled my journal with awe and gratitude that He is such a personal and awesome God! I am going to be honest with you; I've had several drafts of ET(s) sitting in my blog for the past month and just can't seem to click "publish". So instead I deleted them and decided to write this....
Your encounters and testimonies with Jesus Christ, the God who is everlasting will be for ETernity. I understand now when John wrote "Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written." - John 21:25
Nevertheless, in case you have been wondering about my life this past month I will summarize it for you:
I've experienced freedom in ways that I never tasted before. I am certain that there is [so] much more liberty for me when I tap into that overflowing love and power from above. With that, I have realized I am more of a religious person than I ever thought I was. I have cried a lot recently, asking myself "when did I become so...ugh" even the word "religious" makes me feel confined and uncomfortable. When did I lose my youthfulness in Jesus? Why didn't I just keep it simple? Love. Love God. Love People. Where did I go wrong? I mean these questions have been grieving my heart and out of fear I don't even want to know the answers. Yet, I will wait. I will listen. I will be loved by a God who chastises His children and I will receive it and know there is a prize in the process and that prize is called Freedom. I have merely tasted it for a moment, but now I crave it. I am tired friends. I have been tired of living for something/someone other than Jesus. Tired of judging, impressing, striving, perfecting, performing, and the list goes on. That's been my testimony (throwing it all away for the sake of freedom).
This has been my testimony for approximately the past 8 months (the longest I have lived outside of NY for). Significantly the past month in a new, wild, and intense way. I call it my "season of consumingPurification."
Yep, that's pretty much my life story. And you know what? I am not ashamed of admitting my problems and my weaknesses, because when the day I do experience true freedom more than just a moment, more than just a minor taste, you then will see the true glory of God shining in all of His brightness! I hope and pray for that everyday! I am not standing in the way anymore. Let Him shine!
For He came to set this captive free, so here I am God...unlock me.
What seems like my whole life I have wanted to make movies. When I was a teenager I pictured myself directing short films and music videos, I would spur my friends to write scripts for me and then we would gather together and make our little movies. They were uneventful and unlovely...filled with our lack of knowledge of true beauty. Our ideas were surrounded with dramatic grief and horror to release fears and tears. Looking back on it, my friends were all beautiful and the country-living that surrounded us could have been so much more fascinating!
Thankfully the Lord has revolutionized my thinking and ideas; as if the sun grazed my mind, burned up the filth and the rain poured in to replace it.
I would listen to songs that were birthed from the prayer room here at IHOP-KC and movie scenes would begin to flood my mind. This excitement would stir up within me and I would be led to weakly pray "God, please provide me a camera. Please provide the money so I can have equipment to film this! Lord, If it's in Your will, You will provide! Thank You!" That's been the cry for at least the past 3 years.
Week 6 holds the ET of God caring for our desires [for He was the One who placed them within us]. Though I don't have the equipment or the money to create films yet, I do have awesome friends who want to see these dreams come to reality. One friend heard my dream and was so excited to help me out that he decided he would partner with me in all of this by letting me use his camera and macbook. As I was telling him my vision/conviction to solely use this to glorify the Lord, he began to tell me a testimony about how he wanted to glorify Jesus on his birthday awhile back and how God's love showed up in a dramatic way. 5 minutes into it I loudly interrupted him "TREVOR! LET'S FILM YOUR TESTIMONY!" he was all for it! So we grabbed the camera, a broken chair and went out on his balcony in the rain and created this...
(make sure to watch it in the HD/HQ version)
I haven't felt that alive in a long time! This rush of joy came through me when I pressed that record button all the way up to the final editing cut! I know that the overwhelming emotions that were being stirred were from the Lord. The pure creativity welling up inside made me gradually realize that God truly does care about my desires. I still need so much more revelation on this but what an answered prayer! I have no doubt that the Lord will continue to open the doors in this area, for He is so kind!
"She decked herself with her earrings and jewelry, and went after her lovers; but Meshe forgot." says the LORD. Hosea 2:13
We have all forgotten Him at some point in our lives. You have and I have. We have chased after other lovers, for what? Immediate attention? Immediate gratification? To feel good about ourselves for a moment. A mere temporal moment.
"For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns-broken cisterns that can hold no water." Jeremiah 2:13
We are evil. We have forsaken our God. I'm not just talking about backsliding Christians. I'm talking about everyone, in the hours or minutes where we are turning to others for love and (without realizing it) asking them to fill the voids that only God can, in those times we have committed evil. Yet, here is Our God displayed so beautifully in His jealous love for us:
Hosea 2:13-16 "but Me she forgot...Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her...I will give her a door of hope; She shall sing there, as in the days of her youth...and it shall be in that day, that you will call Me 'My Husband', and no longer call Me 'My Master'."
After we have forgotten Him, He does something truly astounding; He allures, comforts, brings hope and reveals His commitment and faithfulness to us. This is our God. Mercies flow from Him abundantly, for He has called Himself the fountain of living waters. Why do we so quickly and easily turn away from this beautiful One?
"I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the LORD." Hosea 2:19&20
This week's ET is a response to last week's. I have been in a process of repentance, allowing my ways to be transformed to His and taking it day by day with awe and reverence toward Him. I am now VERY aware of the many lacks, voids, flaws and empty places inside of me (truly beloved "many" is an understatement). I feel bare, naked, exposed and in great need to be clothed in His garments.
Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. He will revive us, raise us up, and live in His sight. Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. Hosea 6:1-3
We cannot let dreams and visions and miracles define who we are in Christ. As if, because He speaks to me in dreams and doesn't speak to another in dreams does not reveal my value or importance as higher than the other. We are all the same; weak, broken and in need of Him. No matter how He speaks to us or reveals Himself. Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD and let the LORD decide how He wants to make Himself known to you.
For me...give me a moment where it's just me and God. Where I am not thinking about anything else or anyone else. All I can see is Him, smiling over me.
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.”
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons…But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Hebrews 12:5-8
This has been one of the most intense weeks of my life. I’m not really sure on where to begin, besides to let you know that I am undone. This week a man named John Mulinde, a respectable man of the Lord in the prayer movement, came and gave a corporate message not only to International House of Prayer- KC but to the body of Christ. It has only been 5 days since he spoke and already this message has been downloaded over 150,000 times from www.ihop.org. (This message is captured on a low-quality youtube video at the bottom of this post) It is significant for what the Lord is doing in this hour all across the world; that is to prepare His Bride (church) for His return in releasing the fear of the Lord.
He is sifting out the complacent and the compromising, bringing His all-consuming fire to refine the hearts of the believers.
The Lord has rebuked me. This is my ET for the week, He has released the tangible fear of the Lord over me and He has encountered me with His flames of fire. Truly, He has released His displeasure over the way I have been living, the ways that are not aligned with His. I have never experienced such despair, pain, discomfort, and devastation in my being like I have this past week. The Lord has literally given me a list of things I have done wrong and how displeased He is in those areas where I truly felt physical anguish within my heart. If I listed them all to you in this post it would take hours to write. I will confess this to you though friend – brethren - viewer in cyber-space; I am prideful, selfish, desire approval of man before God, live in bitterness, and that’s just the beginning. My thoughts are evil and my ways are unjust and though I have asked for forgiveness and my sins are covered under the blood of Jesus Christ, I have let my ways be the same and I have failed to die to flesh and walk in the Spirit.
The worst of all, I have spent much of my time seeking to know about God in order to impress you and others with my knowledge, rather than seeking to know Him! I have studied the word to show myself approved unto men and not God. It wasn’t always like this but by the graciousness and mercy of the Lord, He has exposed all of this to me in the past week and it has utterly disturbed me. I have come to Him in desperation, not as a beggar, but in recognizing that I am merely a human and beyond a doubt in need of Him. All of my wisdom, strength, and human efforts desperately need to be altered to His! I now have repented and have said yes to Him taking over in everything. I have abandoned my own theology and thinking, I have started all over in a way in how I have come to Him and how I have lived. I have given up control and truly am coming to Him with a surrendered heart. I cannot fathom being distant from Him any longer. These inward sins have kept me from coming close to His heart and have hindered me in more ways that I ever imagined.
It is truly His mercy that He has come to me in this way. I have never experienced the fear of the Lord like this before and it will now be my primary foundation.
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7
He truly is not angry with me; He just desires to be close and for me to draw closer to Him. This rebuke needed to happen if I ever wanted my proximity to Jesus to be closer.
Now I am asking Him in an unreligious way the following, ‘Holy God, what is your opinion of me? Search me. Is there any darkness? Am I allowing You to provoke me to purity and holiness?’ In these questions I am usually too quick to leave, I don’t want the answers to possibly disturb me or bring me discomfort. Yet, I am now going to work it out! I am going to allow His word to prick me. My pursuit should be reaching for purity and I must have grace to call sin sin and attack it!
I am going to camp here and I hope that by this post you will too! We are easy to go to the God of kindness, but we rarely go to the God of severity. He is both. We must remember His kindness and severity if we are to stay on the path of life. The true love of God includes the judgment of God. For He is the bridegroom, king, and judge and He is just in His love, leadership, and judgments.
By Him releasing the fear of the Lord is His demonstration of His love for you and that His eyes are on you! So let His heart search yours and lead you to examine your own.
Read Romans 1:18-2:24.
Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As the father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:11-14
Stare at that above phrase long enough, with an open heart and you will long for the being of Jesus. His presence. His tangibility. His truth. His existence.
Even now, as you are reading this pause. Not for me, but for your own heart and faith. Take a moment to ask for Him to encounter you with His entity. He will reveal Himself, it's a promise.
Matthew 7:7-11Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
I don't know who reads my blog, I don't even know if you believe in Jesus or not. If you want to know if He is real, ask Him to reveal Himself! He will. Why? For He desires you! As cliché as that may sound it's truth and if it doesn't hit you then you need to ask for the Spirit of Revelation to be poured over you. I mean our human race longs for so much attention and we ache for love and yet we are completely oblivious to the One who loves us endlessly! Who is relentless in His pursuit over us and aches for us to receive His love!
re-al
[ree-uh l, reel]
true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent
Throughout the Bible and even now, He reveals Himself in visions, dreams, speaking audibly, taking one in a trance and much more. Before I moved to IHOP-KC for my internship this was uncommon to me. Though it's absolutely written in the Bible for some reason it wasn't reality to me. Maybe out of my immaturity I thought the stories in the bible were just that...stories. Or maybe it was because I wasn't in an environment where these things were ever talked about. I didn't know anyone from my church that experienced God like this or had any friends talk about God visiting/speaking to them through visions, dreams, encounters, etc. so it wasn’t practical to me. Once I came here and found myself, my room mates, leaders and friends encounter the Lord in this way it became REALITY! Not saying people from back home didn't ever experience God like this, but they surely never expressed it to me at that time.
I will not hold back in letting you know that God truly does reveal Himself this way! From when I started these ET Blog series, I prayed and deeply desired that you would feel encouraged to long and encounter this living God in all of the unique ways He would reveal Himself to you.
In the past 7 days the Lord has revealed Himself to me in a dream! There are numerous testimonies in this one ET itself. The Lord previously has told me (through once again a prophetic word) that I have the Seer anointing, part of that is through dreams. Well, just as Jesus is real, so is the Devil and he wants to do everything he can to take away anything the Lord wants to give to His people (John 10:10), especially if it allows His people to draw near to Jesus. I have been greatly attacked in this area, especially since I have moved to Kansas City in the fall of 2010. Many people have prayed for me to no longer have nightmares and terrors in the night for almost 5 months now. Though, I had some breakthrough here and there it wasn't until this past week that the Lord broke through in a dramatic way (testimony part I)! In my dream the Holy Spirit told me of what is to come in the future for the state of NY and how a spiritual revival will break out in that place (testimony part II) and then Jesus...Himself...came to me personally (testimony part III)!
I have been asking for this for years, not knowing exactly what it would look like but knowing that it could happen if only I just keep asking, keep knocking, and keep seeking Him. Desiring to know the secrets of His heart and what He feels towards me, His emotions towards a person or a nation. Years I have prayed and now in the middle of this (what I think is silly) ET Blog series He shows up in a powerful way!
Oh how He is real! Oh how He wants what we are crying out for more than we do! He wants to make Himself known! He wants to embrace and fascinate us! The Holy Spirit is more committed to us in revealing the Son than we are committed to Him in earnestly praying for Him to do so!
For those who are reading this if you haven't read my previous post Who Is This Man? You will need to in order to understand this current posting in all it's fullness. Feel free to check it out and let it encourage you as I continue on this weekly blog-journey the Lord has me on.
I've decided I'm going to start calling these weekly posts ETs (Encounters/Testimonies), seems efficient enough knowing that this will be more than just a few posts here and there but a consistent exploit with the Lord. Friends, He so greatly desires to make Himself known to us and He is enjoying Himself doing just that in my life.
ET Week #2:
Ok, I need to give you a little background before I explain my next ET! 2 ½ years ago I received numerous words that I was going to be a prophetic worship leader. Though this sounded great and dandy to be able to sing divine inspiration, I thought then that there was one great problem; I lacked a good voice! I later realized that a good voice had nothing to do with it but that it was all about whom the Lord anoints and uses and if He wanted to use me in this way, then Amen (so be it!).
After my stay in NY for the holidays I went back to Kansas City, MO with a burning desire. This desire was piercing to the heart and I was left lying on my back, kicking and screaming knowing I couldn’t fulfill it on my own but only by the help of the Lord. Let me explain, I want to be great. Not in the sight of man, (though I do fall into that terrible mistake time and again) but in the eyes of God. For that’s what really matters in the end anyways. I want to love well, not just out of duty of being this “Christian” but out of loving as Christ loves me. Which, if you do not know His love then you’re not going to be able to love yourself or another. I can only hope at this point that my posts are leading you to understand this.
I lead a bible study once a week and we are in our 2nd “quarter” studying the book of Acts, a book that being partnered with the Holy Spirit has really been the catalyst to this powerful burning within me. Leading me to long for this thing we call “ministry”! Shocking really, because if you know me at all, you would know that I have always been one that says “It’s not about ministry, it’s about intimacy with God.” which is true but only in part. Don’t get me wrong, I never was completely against ministry, but I understand that if you aren’t communing with Jesus and His love, you are going to fail and burn out quickly in your ministry when you’re professing this Jesus that you don’t really even know.
Here’s what I want: To go out from where I am, love on the faces that people pass by so quickly. Pray for the sick to be healed, tell the fatherless about their Abba in heaven, give hope to the hopeless, and give them what is so real and so true! Not just hand them a “Jesus track” or tell them to go to church because really it’s not about a building but a body! It’s a people who love Jesus and love their neighbors as themselves. That church is me.
Subject tidbit: Anytime in the Bible you see the word “Church”, put your name there! Oh so good!
All this to be said here is my ET: Within the past 7 days since I last posted I got asked to sing at HopeCity; a prayer room that is set right in the worst part of Kansas City. The crime rate, drug addiction is at its highest there and since HopeCity started it has decreased dramatically! The prayer room offers addicts, the fatherless, and the hopeless a place to use their giftings, and gives them a place to belong—a place that is truly their own. Ultimately the goal of Hope City is to rescue the addicts, shelter the homeless, provide a place for rehabilitation, run a daily soup kitchen, and lead prayer meetings, all centered around the lost, the sick, and the ones who have been driven away.
When I got asked to sing at HopeCity something broke in me. I was going to post my experiences there, what took place between me and the Lord days after being asked, powerful encounters with Him that I found were just too hard to explain even in my own personal journal, it was all just that overwhelming. The Holy Spirit led me to write all of this instead. I knew more than ever before in my heart that the Lord listens. He heard even the groaning of my heart when I was too weak to pray (Romans 8:26) and where I chose to rather kick and scream in the waiting room. When I realized that the prophetic words that were spoken to me years ago about being a prophetic worship leader was now being mixed with my own personal burning desires for the broken was coming to pass, I leaned against the wall, embracing myself because I was so weighed down by His faithfulness. I could only hear Him say “I have not rejected you. I have not forgotten.” And even though it was just one phrase it was deep and hit the core of my very being. I felt the privilege of being used in this way that my singing would bring light to the dark places that perhaps my words being sung out to a broken city would be turned into promises and hope for the weary soul. I even write this in tears, what a privilege. This is Jesus. This is My God. One who listens and desires us to share in His beauty, His life, His hope. Truly, it is all about love for Him.
I am overwhelmed.
Here is a picture of part of the stage at HopeCity’s prayer room, where I feel right at home.
The stage is filled with writings and graffiti from recovering addicts and ones who have found Jesus through the love that is poured out at HopeCity. It is absolutely beautiful for me to be singing and literally be standing on a foundation that proclaims His love for His people!
"...And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen." John (the disciple whom Jesus loved).
Recently, I've been thinking about my past two posts (The Knowledge of the Holy & To know is to love. To love is to know.) and how both are a brief summary that there is a God that is worth seeking, worth searching out. For He made us for that sole purpose, to search Him and His love for us, to receive the love that He so freely gives us and to give it back.
Give everything to and lose everything for this God. This Man.
This Jesus who is everlasting.
This endless loving King who so ravishly desires to be with us and us with Him. His greatness is unsearchable because it's just that colossal. Yet, when reviewing my posts I thought even though they are most likely longer in words than most people's, it is still so brief compared to the ways I could explain to you who this Man, Jesus, is and why He is so worth it.
It's been two months since I last posted and I've been struggling with how to go from here. How do I allow the Holy Spirit to encourage my heart and edify the viewer to want more of this Man? Where I/they won't echo a Christian sermon anymore, or a book, or a cd but actually experience the real God, Jesus Christ themselves! To see the invitation that is in front of their eyes, open it and attend the things the Holy Spirit wants to reveal to them that is so deep and personal to their very being.
Then the thought came to me during Saturday night service, "Post encounters and testimonies you have with Me that describe who I Am and My desire for you and My people once a week". So, I prayed and asked the Lord for fresh encounters with Him, testimonies to prove who He is and how He desires for me to be with Him where He is. That these future posts would stir something inside of you (the reader) to go after Him. To encounter Him. To experience His love.
Literally that night as I was leaving service, an older gentleman probably in his 50's interrupted my steps, stopped me and handed me this...
If you can't read that, it says the following:
Yesterday God showed me your face in a vision. I saw you smiling and I saw the happiness of Jesus in your eyes. He delights in you. :)
Talk about confirmation. My face, smiling with the happiness of Jesus in my eyes was revealed in this complete stranger's vision yesterday. My face. All to lead this older man to tell me one simple yet profound statement: "He delights in you :)."
This is Jesus. This is my God. This is Him who is not distant and disappointed in me, but so near and burning with desire for my heart. And this desire will never stop. This love will never end. This love is for you!
"...And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen." - John 21:25 (the disciple whom Jesus loved).
Check out this video of Jonathan David Helser and his wife/team singing You're Never Giving Up. Every time I watch/listen to this I feel like I'm going to explode, my heart just bubbles over!
People crave the word. Long for the meaning. It is everywhere.
T-Shirts with cheaply painted fonts that say “LOVE”. Journals and notebooks with phrases “Live, Laugh Love” printed on the front. Advertisements on television and in magazines on how to meet your true love.
Love. Love. Love.
The top question inputted in the most famous internet search engine (Google) in the year 2008 was
‘What is love?”
The second…
‘What is life?”
I am certain that those questions did not stop throughout history but for some odd reason Google discontinued posting the “Top of the Mind” trends after the year 2008. So, I reviewed the previous years and it shows in the year 2007 the top “Who is...” question was “Who is God?” paralleled with once again top question of the year “What is love?”
Not only that but in the year 2007 the 4th top ‘Who is…” question was “Who is Jesus?” The 10th, “Who is Satan?” Interesting.
People are searching, starving, wanting only what is real and true. Every human has this longing, but are just fulfilling these longings with other unsatisfying means. The devastating part is that there are millions if not billions of false answers and meanings of what “LOVE” really is. Hence, why so many are unsatisfied and filling their voids with something untrue and detrimental to their very beings. People are still broken, confused, unhappy, depressed, discouraged, and the list could go on. The heartache for me comes even more when I recognize that ones in the American church who are supposedly being taught the answers to the above questions are still discontent, hopeless, and frustrated. (Please, do not misunderstand me though, there are some churches who truly reveal the meaning in all of it’s beauty but most are missing it).
Interesting that in my research the question was mainly “What is love?” Perhaps the problem begins with the question. Perhaps people do not understand that the question shouldn’t be “What is love?” but rather
“Who is love?”
My cousin a few weeks ago posted on her face book a status that confirmed I should write a blog about this very thing. Her status was the simple question “what is love?” She received quite a number of comments all in similar response to the following: “an emotion that is up and down and most of the time a pain in the keister!” I laughed and then commented as well, my response?
“God.”
The bible gives “love” it’s clear definition, 1 John 4:8 “He who does not love does not know God, for God…is…LOVE.”
Incredible!
The very longing inside of us to ache and desire for love, has been created by the very One who is LOVE.
This is why we must know God. This is why I am focusing on the knowledge of Him. For the One who is love can only satisfy a longing to love and to receive love, it’s the only way. The ones who responded to my cousin’s face book status spoke half-truths. It is true that an emotion is up and down. It is true that pain comes from a desperate attempt to love and be loved. However, if we do not know God we cannot love accurately or even receive it correctly. Our ways of expressing love is unsatisfying and only partial. When we truly know God with a pure perspective of who He really is, a God who is love, it is impossible for love to not pour out of ones life and bring encouragement to someone’s very being.
I used to have a false perspective of God. Actually, I had a lot and still do from time to time but when I committed to God that I was going to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of knowing who He is, God of course answered with breaking false paradigms around me. Yet in the beginning when I heard that God was/is love, I thought “great I am going to start this relationship with Him and I am going to experience love to it’s fullest and never be sorrowful again!” For I heard, LOVE IS THE ANSWER and I of course assumed in my ignorance that all my problems and suffering in this age were going to be gone forever. A very wrong perspective indeed.
It wasn’t until recently that the Lord revealed to me that He designed to magnify His love in displaying His miraculous power and in restraining His power in my life. Did you know that the common idea in the church today is a relationship with Jesus in this age will result in a consistent ascent of comfort in domestic affairs, peace in relationships, and popularity or favorable recognition in ministry? If our plans are disrupted, if we are unrecognized, overlooked or mistreated, if we are inconvenienced, if we experience sickness or pain, if our comfort is stripped from us, and if we are suddenly hemmed in by limitation, our primary reaction is anger or offense. It could be quiet anger, cold anger, conniving anger of manipulation, or burning anger of rage, but it is definitely not joy and typically on the total opposite scale of what Jesus calls us to in the midst of it.
Even in my own life, I want to avoid suffering at all costs and my flesh is in opposition with what is commanded of me. In this mode of which is common to man but different from biblical reaction to suffering is plainly a lack of knowledge of who love is.
Hosea 4:6 - “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
What made Paul write “But the things which were gain to me, these things I have counted loss for Christ…. For whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.” (Philippians 3:7&8)
What an astonishing statement! Paul who experienced needs, distresses, stripes, imprisonments, labors, sleeplessness, many tribulations, chains, hungers and thirst, nakedness and said he was poorly clothed, beaten, homeless, defamed, struck down, chastened, dying said that all this is rubbish that He may gain Christ and be found in Him! Astonishing to say the least! I know this is a common verse amongst the church but we are truly LACKING in understanding of how significant this really is!
WHAT DID PAUL KNOW?! There is something that He knew that caused Him to count EVERYTHING loss for the sake of Christ! When I only get 4 hours of sleep in a night rather than eight hours, I am complaining, grumpy, far from bringing glory to Jesus at that moment and not even considering about His love at all in an opportunity where it can be greatly magnified. I am not motivated at all to choose the path of suffering or discomfort, yet Paul was! What did He know!? What motivated this astonishing lifestyle?
Verse 8 “ Yet indeed I also count all things loss forthe excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord.”
The knowledge of the Holy! The knowledge of who He is! Paul was so undone with God’s glory, that’s why he voluntarily chose this path. Not to earn something but to love Him for who He is. Paul knew the love of God and in return considered everything rubbish to gain more of Him.
Here’s the problem we face. We think by reading a book, or by going to church one day a week and listening to a sermon about God, or even hearing from a friend about this Jesus who is the Savior of the world we will know who love truly is. That may be an aid, but you certainly will not survive in this broken and suffering world by echoing someone else’s testimony, words, or thoughts. You must experience Him yourself. For years I echoed my friends, the sermons and songs I heard from solid Christians and suddenly was burned out and aching for something more and started filling the void with useless, destructive things to my heart and soul. I truly did not know what Love was until two plus years later. I had to consecrate my life and heart to Him, to turn away from other lovers and stop my busy self to sit and receive the love from the one who is Love. Sit and wait and receive, for it takes God to love God and to love others rightly.
Once you receive His love, you will ALWAYS want more and then you will be proclaiming the same overwhelming words that Paul did “I confess that nothing compares to the excellent riches of knowing Jesus and I shed tears of joy in the midst of sickness, beatings, mistreatment, or pain of any kind that whatever was lost through those things does not compare to the beauty of who Jesus is-
A treasure which I possess and can…..never…ever…lose.”
Maybe not for most people; July 14th could just be another day passing through someone's mundane life. Could be the day to forget for the drunkard, could be a day aching to forget for the abused child, it could even be a day literally forgotten for the one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease...*pause*
I could start my next sentence off with "On a lighter note, it could be a day to remember"...but then again the days that one remembers is not always a light and fluffy thing.
Did you know that July 14th, 1949 was the first day the U.S.S.R exploded their atom bomb? < Don't worry I didn't know that either, I had to look that one up ;-) > Interesting though, could have been a monumental day for most. Or how about July 14th, 1960, Fire raging through a Guatemala City, Guatemala insane asylum kills 225, severely injuring 300 (again monumental). July 14th, 1990 Sara Martin, of Illinois, crowned America's Junior Miss (monumental for maybe 10 people but then again it made the events history).
So many things happen in our world; Situations, stories, triumphs, mishaps, shifts, trends, and all of the above. I spent several minutes looking through July 14th's historical moments (thanks to goggle) and realized that God was there through it all. What was He thinking? Where was He moving? What was from Him and what did He turn His back from? Was He pleased? Was He in Holy outrage? In this world, while we are sitting at our computers, processing reports or what have you, there is someone of 6,697,254,041 people having a monumental day. Horrifying or marvelous it may be, it's pivotal in their lifetime. The other 6,697,254,040 are oblivious to this significant moment unless you report it to some strange person who sits at a computer (like us) and reports all of the historical moments of each specific day and of each specific year on a website provided by goggle (thanks again goggle). Even then, that person probably does not understand the impact of what that monumental day held. The only one who could and does is God. He is the only one who can connect to the human in such a way where he knows your very feeling, thought, and motive in completing the sentence similar to the following: "That day was pivotal in my life..."
So when Sara Martin of Illinois was crowned America's Junior Miss, what was the Lord thinking? I'm sure he overlooked the 90's awful era of style, specifically her small ring that fit perfectly on the upper part of her second toe that almost every teen girl had. But picture this: Ms. Martin dressed in her glittery attire, sash across her shoulder and waist saying Illinois Junior Miss was waiting intensely for the judges to announce between the two finalists. When they finally announced the winner “SARA MARTIN”, she could feel the hair on her arms completely in upright position, tears were flowing across her cheekbones, and her laugh wrinkles were forming around her bright red lips. As the microphone was placed unsteadily in her trembling hands she was asked the last question that didn’t need a judge to score, “Ms. Martin, how do you feel!?” and the young girl who was now crowned America’s Junior Miss ended her sentence with, “I will never forget this day, this is the best day of my life!”
*pause*
Lord Jesus, how did you feel?
God knew her feelings, her thoughts, and her motives. But do we know His? In those moments was He pleased? Though the above scenario is my own imagination, Sara Martin is real. A real woman, who was created by a real God.
He was the only one who could understand what Sara Martin was feeling. Why? Because He was the one that created those feelings within her. All her quirks, expressions, and reactions He understood. The viewers could catch only a glimpse of her excitement with her tears and laughter but soon they would be in their cars driving away and thinking about the lyrics of the next song on the radio. Maybe a week later they will be reminded about how beautiful Sara Martin looked and possibly even express it to others. Yet, they soon will forget the emotion behind the phrase “I will never forget this day, this is the best day of my life”. God does not. God on the other hand is full of emotions and when He places those very attributes within us He understands completely what we are experiencing.
Amazing.
Wherever you are on the emotional spectrum <from rage to hope to love> God understands because He places those feelings within you. However, those emotions most of the time in humans are not used in its proper manner. For example, someone could be in love with an actress they have only met through a television screen, leading to idolization they buy all her movies, place all her posters up on their wall, and even take phrases from her movies and use it in their very own dialect. Sounds a bit extreme and maybe you cannot relate. Well, how about the following: putting your hope into another to answer all your questions. Running to your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend hoping they are there in your time of need every time something goes wrong, your emotional dependency on one other than God. Or let’s hit a bit closer to home and mention your Sunday morning worship service when you sing the words “My hope is in the Name of the Lord Where my help comes from…” When you then go home to talk to your spouse about how you want to make more money so both of you can move where there’s a warmer climate, a bigger house, a bathtub the size of your outside hot tub and a boat the color of your new car to match. You’re now putting your hope not in the Lord but in your future human satisfaction.
All this to be said is not to offend you but to make clear the lack of our emotions being toward the very God who created them. Why is that? Idolization, from the above example, is probably known in most of church conversation, but no one is doing anything about it. A prophet can stand behind a podium and say “your church is filled with idolization!” but if the prophet is not telling our pastors and elders what they are lacking they will not know how to fill it with anything but idolization or the other problems the church faces today.
So what is lacking? It’s the foundational element….who…God…is! It is tragically absent in our church today and yet it’s the very need in this hour! We need preachers and teachers who are consumed with making known the personality of God. What does He feel? What are His emotions? Where is He going? How is His Spirit moving? Who is this Man that everyone is supposedly singing to on Sunday mornings? A church that does not know God cannot love God and inevitably is worshipping something other than God. A church that has not discovered the knowledge of the personality of God will inescapably be spiritually shallow, bored, and lacking in passion.
Think of it this way: you can truly say “I love my girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse”. If I asked you why you love that person, you would then answer in describing who they are. “I love how he/she is sensitive, humble, and gentle with me. He/she is so funny, bold, caring, etc.” We can’t love God if we don’t even know who He is. We can’t even sing songs of love to Him if we don’t even have the knowledge of Him. We can’t even say ‘I miss Him and want Him to return a second time’ if you don’t even know who you are “aching” for.
With all this being said, I want my passion for Jesus to grow. By writing in this blog I want to describe the attributes of God to you and to myself to ignite this holy passion within us. The good news is it takes God to love God. This blog is going to be filled with revelation from the very heart of the One we are seeking. I hope and pray this escorts you into a deeper understanding and love for Jesus and truly turns your past wants and desires to something way more exciting: beholding the glory of who He is. Let that be our primary purpose in life, a passion to know God’s heart and let that be undying.
July 14th 2008, the day Dana DeSerio started OneThing Internship at International House of Prayer. The day she became a student of God’s emotions.
r-uh-fahy]
